Yes, the one with wings is the one I am thinking of. I also did the one without them, and funnily enough haven't had to use it since installing it... but I did have to tighten it a few times before that . Might get some use shortly as I'm thinking of running the laser up.
Well, I can suggest that it is new, as I'm still running 0.7.4... I was about to upgrade as things had been quite without any comments about it being problematic... then the complaints started rolling in... and I don't remember that retraction behaviour.
Ah yes... the "threaded metal thingy" I basically just unscrewed the heatsink from the heat block, and then used pliers on the heat-break thread (bad pfeerick! ) to unscrew the sucker till I realised what was going on. Since it had stayed nice and tight on the heat block, I screwed the 'good' end back into the heat block, and then screwed the heatsink back on the 'bad' end... hence why it won't be coming apart voluntarily again... scuffed up steel thread biting into aluminium... as good as superglue! Problem fixed!
If I were to do it again knowing the construction of the assembly, I would try to hold the sucker with some long nose pliers right where it enters, as IIRC there is no thread just there... but the question is getting enough grip on it to keep it still or turn it as needed.